


burning brighter than the moon

by colourmeblue



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21531529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colourmeblue/pseuds/colourmeblue
Summary: Beau understands why her own father doesn’t want her, but she’ll never understand why The Gentleman doesn’t want Jester.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 8
Kudos: 221





	burning brighter than the moon

**Author's Note:**

> Wanted more Beaujes based on The Gentleman stuff, because it really hits close to home. Spoilers fom C2E85.

Jester is special.

Beau has known that since the day they first met. It’s one of the few things in her life that she understands very well.

However, that knowledge is directly connected to one of the things that she doesn’t understand _at all_.

Beau understands why her own father doesn’t want her. The fact that she was born a woman is just the first of many reasons why Thoreau barely treated her like a human being while she was growing up. She adapted to it, became accustomed to it. It hardened her, and it made her bitter and cynical about many things in the world. It produced enough self loathing in her that she started to believe every single reason why her father thought she wasn’t worthy. She’s become so used to it that she now wants to regard her father as nothing.

Then, she met Jester.

The rest of the Mighty Nein has helped her change in many ways, but Jester is easily the heart of the group. Jester sees the best in everyone - even Yasha, who they’re so unsure about now. She’s empathetic to a fault, and she’ll see the slightest glimmer of good in absolutely anything. Even monsters trapped in cages that are set to manipulate them. Her first instinct is to be kind and soft and trusting. Being the complete opposite of her is one of the many reasons why Beau likes her as much as she does.

Beau understands why her own father doesn’t want her, but she’ll never understand why The Gentleman doesn’t want Jester.

She tosses and turns excessively the entire night they’re at the Evening Nip, until she gives up and starts staring at the dark ceiling. A large part of her wants to get up right now and give The Gentleman a piece of her mind, and the only thing stopping her is knowing that it would probably upset Jester. There’s no amount of guards that would stop her from defending Jester if need be, but she knows it’s not going to come to that.

Seeing Jester desperate and upset makes Beau incredibly angry. She knows that anyone who has the privilege of being close to Jester knows that they're never going to meet another person like her in their entire lives. All Jester wants is recognition from her father, which, Beau is pretty convinced that the entire group knows the truth at this point. 

Looking at The Gentleman is like looking at her own father. Just another cowardly man who puts his pride and his fortune and status before his own family.

The thought makes Beau even more distressed and unsettled, so she stands up as best and carefully as she can in the darkness, and heads towards the nearest door that leads outside.

Finding herself on a balcony, she shuts the door behind her. Moving over to the edge, she takes a deep breath in. Spending the night in a city with so many people around is jarring for Beau now, having become so accustomed to Caleb’s tiny dome in the middle of an underground cavern somewhere. She decides to sit down right where she is, sticking her legs through the gaps in the balcony’s railing and letting them dangle over the edge. She takes in as much of Zadash as she can from her perspective - dwindling lanterns and the scattered sounds of people having a night out. 

She likes the city much more now that she isn’t trapped here.

If she’s being honest with herself, her anger towards the Gentleman is mixed with her lingering anxiety about confiding in Nott, and it’s making her jittery. She’s almost certain that Nott is going to, accidentally or not, let something slip to Jester. She hasn’t had any intention of saying anything. If Beau ruined her friendship with Jester, she’d never forgive herself. She doesn’t know what she would do without Jester as a friend.

Suddenly, Beau wishes she was back in the Xhorhaus so she could go downstairs and punch something without disturbing anybody.

She turns her attention back towards Zadash’s night sky, and she stays that way for a while, until she hears the _click_ of the door behind her. It’s as if she summoned her with her thoughts, because as Beau turns her head, she sees Jester just as she steps into the light of the moon.

Beau narrows her eyes. “How did you know I was out here?”

“I didn’t!” Jester replies with a soft smile. She doesn’t hesitate as she bounces over, sitting down next to Beau in the same position. 

Beau can tell that her smile isn’t genuine, but she doesn’t ask her directly. “What’re you doing up?”

Jester avoids eye contact, choosing to stare down at her lap as she speaks. “I… just had a conversation with... my dad.”

Beau’s mouth hangs open slightly. “Wh-What do you mean? _The Gentleman?_ ”

“He admitted it.” Jester sighs. “He said that he still loved my mama but he felt like he didn’t deserve her so he never went back to her.”

Beau’s expression of shock turns into one of irritation. “That’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” She shakes her head. “When you have something _good_ like that, you don’t just fuckin’... give it up.” She really hates Jester’s dad. She knows that Jester doesn’t want to hear it, but she _really_ hates him.

“I don’t know… he was very nice to me and he promised that we could talk again the next time I come to visit, so, you know…”

“Jes…” Beau’s heart breaks for her. All the things Beau loves about Jester are also the things that could cause her to get hurt. “I meant what I said earlier. You deserve… so much better. I don’t want you to be disappointed because you’ve been hanging on to this… idea of what he might be like or this expectation of what he might do for you.”

Jester’s face scrunches up into a pout. “I’m not stupid, Beau. I know what he is and what he’s done. He even said that he wasn’t really my father because he didn’t raise me.” Beau immediately notices the tear that rolls down Jester’s cheek.

“No, I know.” Beau’s gaze drops. She knew at some point her opinions would clash with Jester’s. While there are different types of bad fathers, Beau is an expert at picking them out. There’s a fine line between telling Jester how she feels and upsetting her in the process. “Please, don’t…” Instinctively, she reaches a hand out towards her. “I just want you to know that… even if he disappoints you… some of us are, y’know… we’re trying our best to worthy of you. That sounds so fuckin’ stupid when I say it out loud, but… we- _I_ care so much about you. It’s… _shit_.” Feeling self conscious, she pauses immediately in the middle of her sentence.

Still, it doesn’t matter. Whatever annoyed or upset expression that Jester had melts away in an instance. “Oh, Beau.” She pulls her legs back from the over the edge so she can move over and wrap her arms around Beau’s shoulders.

Beau’s first instinct is to freeze up entirely. It feels different after having said how she feels out loud to someone. For some reason, everything is more palpable. She’s immediately hyper aware of every part of Jester that is now pressed against her, and her mind races with the infinite possibilities. She has hopes that she knows she shouldn’t, but her brain is betraying her.

She didn’t expect things to skyrocket after admitting things to Nott (and herself). This is going to be much harder than she anticipated.

“You’re more than enough, Beau,” Jester mumbles, snapping Beau out of her brief panicked state. “There’s no way to replace you or any of the others. You will always be my family. You don’t ever have to worry about that.”

“Thanks, Jester.” In an attempt to act somewhat normal, Beau reaches up and holds on to one of her arms with her own. “I just… I don’t want to see you upset like that again, you know? My dad… he fucked me up enough. I don’t want you to have to go through that, because it’s so shitty.”

Jester pulls back slightly, and Beau’s heart rate picks up just at the way the moonlight is hitting her face. Her expression is soft and there’s a small piece of Jester’s hair that Beau itches to tuck away. She’s so beautiful and warm, and there’s no universe in which Beau could meet her and not be incredibly endeared.

Jester opens her mouth as if she’s going to say something, but clearly decides against it. Instead, she leans in close, pressing a warm, lingering kiss to Beau’s cheek.

She stays close by Beau’s face and whispers, “Don’t tell anyone, Beau, but... you’re my favourite.”

It's stupid. It's really stupid. It really shouldn't make her heart burst the way it does. A quiet, nervous laugh becomes a blush as Beau’s entire face heats up. Jester can probably tell just by the heat alone, but she doesn’t draw any attention to it. She often wonders what she would say if Jester whipped out her Zone of Truth spell again, and thanks the Gods that it isn’t happening right now.

Jester keeps her arms wrapped around Beau and rests her cheek against her shoulder. Any and all panic that Beau is exhibiting seems to go unnoticed by her. “Do you think we can stay out here for a while?”

Selfishly, Beau enjoys any time they’re able to get with just the two of them. The group is always on top of each other, so unless they end up back at their room in the Xhorhaus, they never have any time alone. And Jester is the type of person to want to spend time with everyone.

“Yeah, no, we can definitely do that.”

“Good.”

Jester closes her eyes peacefully, and Beau looks back out at the Zadash skyline, letting the warmth of Jester’s body spread through her.

She’ll keep her safe. _She’ll keep her anchored_.

Whatever it takes.


End file.
